-getting my first period and crying while everyone else celebrated the fact that i was ‘becoming a woman’ when really, it felt like my life was over
-always playing dress up so i could be someone else even if it was just pretend
-never being considered ‘one of the girls’ but also never fitting in as ‘one of the guys’
-asking someone when i was 9 if they thought i looked and sounded like a boy and being completely shocked when they said no
-hiding my first bra in the back of my drawer
-stealing my brothers clothes and wearing them in secret
-hiding with a pair of scissors and cutting off my hair right before my first ever picture day at school
-feeling Wrong and Empty my whole life, as far back as i can possibly remember
-getting my first real haircut in grade 9
-wearing them men’s school uniform and eventually no longer getting weird looks from it
-”you look like a boy!”
-no one thinking twice when calling me by a masc nickname
-getting my first binder
-getting my first packer
-getting permission from my mum to get rid of all of my old girls clothes
-finally having wardrobe of clothes i feel comfortable in
-regularly going by my chosen name
-finally hearing my birthname less and less and less
-coming out to and being accepted by my friends, cousins, and younger brother
its been hard. real fucking hard. but maybe,,,, , things are getting better?
or at least a little easier?
who fucking knows- but i’ll be damned if i’ve come this far just to give up now.
